Dislike of social physical contact - why?

[chaekyu]

I have always found physical contact in a social setting very difficult. It becomes much worse when I am depressed. I have noticed it recently, and it causes me some anxiety at the moment.
For example, when visiting my husband's family this weekend, one of the things I was most worried about was the social ritual of hugging/cheek-kissing on meeting and parting. I really, really strongly dislike hugging, touching, or being touched by anyone apart from my husband, and sometimes I don't even like to be touched by him, even accidentally (e.g. if I am concentrating on writing, or if I am eating etc.).
Even in everyday life, when I am not in clinical depression, I dislike hugging my friends for example. For almost all of my friends, it is socially normal to hug on meeting/parting, and I either use body language to avoid this or, if they are close friends, I have been able in recent years to let them know that I am not comfortable with this so they no longer expect it from me.
As i write this, I realize that it extends to strangers simply standing too close to me in public places, or to touching things that other people have touched.
It also seems to be slightly linked with a cleanliness mild obsession-compulsion I get. I noticed this weekend, for example, that I was horrified at having to drink from a cup that had been passed to me by someone who was holding the rim instead of the handle, so that my mouth had to go on or near the place where their hand had been. I was so sure I would catch some horrible germ from having other prepare my food etc. that I did in fact end up with an upset stomach that, I am fairly sure, is actually a result of anxiety.
I've gone off the point a bit with this message. The main point I wanted to ask about was the physical contact with friends/relatives. It is even a problem with my own family at times, depending on my mood. With my father particularly it is extremely unpleasant having to give him the kiss that he expects and demands when I see him. It's like having to eat something disgusting, and I dread it quite intensely beforehand.
Is this a kind of social phobia?
Why do I have this?
Does it matter?
Can I help myself to 'get better' at engaging in culturally expected rituals like this?
Do I have to get better? Part of me just wants everyone else to stop wanting to touch me and put their mouths on me. I find it repellant and don't understand why it is acceptable.

[hahninsik]

Hi
were you given much physical contact when you were a child, I wonder?
I'm quite similar to you in this. I'm not a very "kissy-kissy" type of person unless it's on my own terms. If I can choose the people that I touch, then that's OK, but if people start foisting themselves on me, it can make me feel uncomfortable or even hostile.
Part of it might be that I'm quite a private person and as such, I choose whom I approach, whether it's for conversation or physical contact.
I really don't like being touched by people much older than me, although I realize this is because of issues with my family.
I can see where dislike of physical contact would link in with OCD as they are invading your personal space.

[joung]

Hi ,
I can really relate to your post. I have the same thing, I am very uncomfortable with physical contact and my friends often do it and I do my best not to have to. I have seen photos of myself with someone hugging me and I look stiff and terrified, it's embarassing. I have no idea where it comes from though. I too have it sometimes with my husband. If I'm stressed or irritable, I can't stand to be touched, or hugged or anything like that. My husband often remarks that every time he goes to kiss me, I lean backwards away from him, I've even seen it on our wedding video!! I didn't even know I was doing it.
I totally understand you not wanting to do the whole kissing and hugging thing; I guess it's just not some people's thing. Perhaps it does have something to do with how much physical contact and hugs someone has as a child, as has been suggested in the above post. My mum wasn't really that into hugging I don't think and is uncomfortable with it herself, so I guess if you come from a non-haggy family, that you may be inclined to stay that way.

Take care