Here is my problem, what do you think I got?

[pope]

I posted this post in another sub forum but I think a more generalized sub forum like this one may be more appropriate.
Here is my problem: I dropped school when I was 14 for severe anxiety problems, my life hasn't advanced at all since then, due to a total ignorance of my condition (both my surroundings and I), and I am 26 now. I am an autodidact; when I am alone (often) I tend learn everything by myself, stuffs like languages and geography, politics, music etc... I tend to be quite self-educated in a few areas
here is the description of my symptoms:
- It seems that all my movements and my speech (pattern, facial expression...) had to be earned and thought through my life, and not natural. Whenever I speak to someone, I am always thinking at what facial expression I should adopt.
- Socially, I am much better than I was at 15, I was extremely isolated and withdrawn. There is not one single day I recall from my teenage years where I felt remotely happy.
- I tend to feel confused all the time. I tend to want to do many things at the same time and end up doing nothing. I have low self-esteem.
- I seek loneliness sometimes, and feel out of place almost everywhere. I feel tired all the time.
- I violently bite my right index finger whenever I am angry (it's in a very bad shape)
- I have a hard time looking people into the eyes, and whenever I do it naturally, when I speak to someone, people look away... making me thinking that I must have a weird stare and discouraging me to do so again!
- I have friends and people who know me tend to like me, but if I am more than a few hours among them I want to go home and withdraw myself for a while from social life.
- When I meet anyone I don't know when I am with my friends, I tend not to say a *single word*
- Those who don't know me tend to have a distant approach, even people usually extroverted with everyone. Even when I feel completely natural and talkative, joking and laughing with someone I don't know (with great effort), that person still defines me as particularly shy. This is discouraging.
- I am quite naive.
- I tend to be the butt of jokes of my surrounding since I am a kid, though there is never a "reason" for, just laughing at me for the sake of it; and I tend not to realize it at the moment; but the, say, morning after I am thinking "did they actually mock me?" and get angry all alone, thinking of the scene sometimes in an exaggerate way and multiple scenario as to how I should have reacted (in a violent and helpless way).

- I suffered recently from deep burning sensation in the heart area that tended to wake me up in the middle of the night; I heard it was actually anxiety symptoms.
- I feel uncomfortable when lights are too strong, I often ask to turn the light down
- When I read a book, I tend to re-read sentences twice or three times in order to understand them (I tend to "read" it and have my mind elsewhere)
- I have a hard time making myself understand; for example, people take me seriously when I joke and vice-versa, or people think I am angry when I am not at all. (Very frustrating)
- I hate being photographed and I dislike looking myself in the mirror (when I cross a mirror I close my eyes or keep my head down)
But I look more or less normal otherwise lol
What do you think I have? Do any of you recognize yourself in these symptoms? Thank you in advance

[aeunjoo]

Be very careful in making posts like this. You have tried to sum up your life in one short post and asked people if they can relate and then take a "guess" at what they think you might be dealing w/. There are so many things out there and symptoms often are the same from one mental illness to the next. I can list 5 to 10 things I deal w/ but then give you a list of mental illnesses where those same 5 to 10 things are also present.... you have to dig deeper then just the surface and take a lot more into consideration in the person's life before you can just say.... oh yeah.... you feel like that too...Yep.... bet it's this or that! I understated what you meant in your posting here...the general idea you are looking for. But I still caution you in doing this. I urge you.... if you feel that there is possibly something wrong and something you are trying to figure out for yourself...schedule an appt. w/ your family dr..... start there...get a referral for a counselor or psychologist.... or flat out call and schedule an appt. w/ some type of counseling...they will get the proper type of history and background information on you and when someone finally puts a name to what you MAY be dealing w/...it will be a lot more accurate then basing it on one short paragraph of information. And you may not even get answers in one session. It could take (or should in my opinion) take a series of sessions!!!

[potor]

you seem to be describing many symptoms of Asperger Syndrome.Don't take my word as a diagnosis, but definitely do some research and see if you think you might have it.
Or you could (also) have Avoidant Personality Disorder, or Social Anxiety Disorder, or something along those lines.

[pope]

Thank you. That's what I was thinking.
And don't worry, I am aware that it is quite delicate to make conclusion from a post in an internet forum
I do recognize myself on asperger syndrome