Start living again

betly · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 25

Life threatening trauma rape in the UK, 15yrs old, happened 25yrs ago. really thought it never affected me, but the last 25yrs have been riddled with symptoms I and others ignored. No one talked to me, my parents just decided to help by saying nothing, I never even cried, and yet I now have a name for this dreadful daily burden I carry and hope and pray it is not to late for me to start living again and enjoying my wonderful family, husband, kids and life in general, without being so scared of pretty much everything. I have started to get help, and I think it will all get worse before it gets better, re-living and re-telling. I have always hated being different, so never wanted to tell anyone. My major symptom, is I have difficulty opening my jaw. have to eat soft food, causes panic, and all the associated stuff.
Glad to have found a site that I can talk about this.

joung · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 46

I'm very sorry to hear that happened to you. People are affected in different ways by such traumatic experiences. And a good majority suppress, or "forget". I also know PTSD symptom's can be different for everyone and affect him or her differently.

The way I visualize it all that pain is like a hot liquid, by it being "forgotten" it has only stayed deep inside boiling.... that pain has a mind of it's own and it doesn’t want to be forgotten or silenced, it wants out. So over time it boils more violently and up to the surface to affect your current life. Unfortunately things cannot be forgotten, what was done cannot be undone. But you’re doing the best thing possible by getting help for this. And though I personally don’t know for sure. I believe, cause I need to, that things will get better. So I know it's not to late for you.

betly · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 25

I suppose this is just the start for me, and the immediate future feels very scary and I’m feeling anxious all the time. My husband has had to go away on business for a while and although he'd rather not have gone, he had no choice. Just coping on a daily basis with all this raw memory at the moment is grinding me down day to day. My therapist wants to see me weekly and is specialized in PTSD. The big question I have is has anyone got better, or, after such a long time suppressed as in my case, could it be a long struggle?

chaekyu · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 34

Hello there and I am so sorry for what you have endured...
It is not uncommon at all for PTSD to kick in at its full capacity after many years after the trauma...Trauma induces a "chemical shift" or imbalance, in the brain...I started having flashbacks about things that happened to me 30 years ago, to the point where I was incapacitated...I got into a therapy program, called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy..CBT for short which helped me "immeasurably"...I have a complexes form of PTSD, from "multiple" traumas, I also have to take a medication, it is called Lomotragine and it really helps as well...I have recovered, to the point where all my family, friends and myself, can't believe the difference...it is finally time for you, to face this dreadful experience...You sound just like I did, before I got help...as long as you are on this and working at it. I am more than confident that you will recover from this and turn it into an experience that you grow from and can share, to help others. You already have started that process; simply by sharing with us...Thank you, you are very brave...

franti · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 19

It’s the facing this dreadful experience that is the hardest. My therapist has spoken about CBT and that I may need to re-visit in the first person singular. Is that what you did Tri-polar? I've never, ever told it like that, and it makes me shudder. She said when the time is right.
I know that underneath this hard, untrusting exterior that I fitted on all those years ago, that I will probably find someone I would quite like to be fiends with, but now I’ve become, lonely, and swamped by the all consuming thoughts. I am amazed my husband has stuck it out for the last 13yrs. I've only gotten worse over that time. The strangest thing is why I am ready now to deal with all this. I hit 40 this year and remember seeing the next 20yrs not living anything near a life I would have wished. I've always thought that I believed in reincarnation and that this life was not for me to learn from and that I could not wait to get to the next. How untrue that now sounds. I have a major amount of learning to take with me to the next, and be stronger for longer. I am starting to feel right now, how wasteful the last 25 have been. Sadistic bast'd . I hope he's rotting in hell right now.