What causing of emotional distance?

daley · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 18

I am very confused. I met a man 3 mths ago and we clicked immediately. He pursued me very lovingly and ardently at first. He was open and emotionally available.

Gradually, over the weeks he has closed down and requires more and more 'space'. Talking to him about it just seemed to make things worse. I think he is as confused as I am. We are a well suited couple in our late 40s.

He is three years out of a short abusive marriage to a woman who turned out to have borderline personality disorder. The experience was so traumatic for him that he had a complete breakdown and is only now off medication and beginning to be able to work (for himself).
He says he knows he loves me but doesn't understand why he feels uneasy. Should I hang in? Does anyone have any experience or advice with this. Many thanks.

franti · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 19

You need to be very supportive, even though it is difficult. I have a hard time with my husband because my flashbacks and my abusive past. It's hard to have sex with my husband sometimes because of my ex-husband and i become very distant and scared. If I do it anyway I feel like i have been raped afterward and it is awful. Be patient and listen to him and remember it is not his fault.

daley · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 18

Just wanted to give an update.
The relationship is over - he ended it. He said he didn't understand why he felt he needed to end it - given that he loves me and feels so loved. However, I can only respect his wishes.
He did try but the difficulty was for him to access his feelings. However, he did report sleeping really well that night.
Best wishes to you all