This Is My Story.....

[mablisaki]

I'm 17. I want to share my story with you guys hopefully get some advise and some solace in your posts.

I've been depressed from July till present this year, but before I say why I'd like to put some background as to the events leading up to my depression. I don't remember much of my early childhood. All I know is that I was only raised by my mother and later my aunt. I never really had a father he was in prison, but I was too young to know any of this. He was there for 5 years and when he came out he was absent for a few more years or so and finally my parents are back together. Things weren’t too bad my parents would fight every now and then, but what couple doesn't? My family was finally back together and I never really appreciated this. Most of my life I was a snobby child always wanting and wanting. I was greedy; I was mean, and just a rotten person all around. I would constantly be reminded by my mother how much of an a$$hole I am and how I only cared about myself. Which was true, but I never realized why I only cared about myself. I just did and the reason for that is because nobody cared about me. My mom has been a drug addict most or all of her life. My dad started turning into a huge jerk. All he'd care about when he'd get home from work was his television. He'd ignore us and not really care about anything else. At first I'd hate him for this , but now I have somewhat of an understanding as to why. I was very ungrateful, I hated everyone, I hated myself, and I was extremely unappreciative and my mom was a drug addict and alcoholic. He seemed to have given up on his family so earlier this year he buys a house in the ghetto when we lived in a nice "white" community and of course this angered me and my mother so they fight about it and he hits my mom and that results in me calling the police and getting him arrested. So He's finally gone and it's just my mom and me. Either we'd move to California or I'd move in with a good friend, probably the only real friend at the time I had. But during the whole time between findings out that we might have to move to the ghetto up until my dad finally leaving I met this girl who completely changed the person I was. She was the first person to ever hear me cry. I cried for hours and hours on the phone letting out all my hate, anger, and sadness. So we end up going out and at the time I didn't want to because I'd have to end up moving away and that'd be really bad for us both. But she encourages me to save me and my mom from moving. I have a natural aptitude in entertainment and she suggested I'd get a job doing magic. I know it sounds silly but I was a magician out here in Las Vegas and that’s the job that ended up paying for a new home and saving me and my mom from going anywhere. I remember I promised this girl I'd succeed and save my family from splitting up. I did it, but she left me and all I ever wanted was for her to see me succeed. I wanted to show her the person I became because of her efforts. I was even more depressed after the break up, but that was months ago and now I'm passed all that. Now I guess the only thing that still has me depressed is my mother or family. It’s the holidays and my family is really upset with me and it's because of my mom's fault. She drinks and says really dumb things like "Archy hates his family he's an A$$hole" ETC, but it's not true, I love my family, but I don't know how to really show it. And because of this when my family has a huge dinner, I’m never there. So the past 2 years this being my 3rd I haven’t celebrated Christmas, thanksgiving, and my birthday which lands on thanksgiving. I've distanced myself from family and I really have nobody. I'm never alone, but I'm lonely. I've been hiding in my room for a while. I feel out of place, I feel obsolete again and I want it to stop. I feel like I’ve lost myself the past few days and it's getting me really worried. I think it's the emotional atmosphere that is getting me down. My home is beautiful. I have what I want, but that’s cause I paid for it and earned it, but emotionally this place is unstable. My mom is a loose cannon and my family in Cali which aren’t really around because they live in Cali, aren’t really supportive emotionally only financially. I have a few ideas about how to fix my problems, but any ideas to help me out? Make me feel better? Anything?


For those who read my post thanks, and I'll stick around on the forums and help those who need it. I'm new here, but I'm not new to any of the scenarios that life has thrown at most of us. I've had a drug addict/achy parent, the woman who took care of me when my mom was at work to support me because my dad wasn't around died in front of me. This recently started to sink in when she died a few years ago because I never told her how much I loved her or how lucky I was to have her in my life. She was my angel. I've had a lot of heartbreaks, I'm quite the casanova , but I really want to find that real love because love is the ultimate salvation. I also use to be against god, but then found god later this year. I'm 17 and I’ve pretty much have gone through it all. There’s good and bad out of everything. My soul my be battered, but later my wounds will heal and overall the past 2 years have really taught me to be independent and just be a stronger person. I know some of you will say, "I wish I was as strong as you" because not everyone can be as strong as me, but truth is I'm not that strong either. I need help too, which is why I'm on these forums because all of us share the same problems and together we help each other, which is amazing how strangers will come to each other’s rescue. It's also amazing how we say things on the forums that we'd probably never tell our best friends (I know I have). We may not have much or think we have much, but we have each other and when I discovered this website around 3-4 days ago I keep reminding myself how lucky I am to have you guys.

[pope]

My gosh you have been through so much for your very young 17 years...how long have you been doing magic in LV? I admire you for finding your talent and using it to get you somewhere.... that is what it is all about.

[yorn]

I read your story and feel for you. Happy though to hear that you are doing well in many ways now despite rough times throughout life. You said that you have been depressed since July. Are you in therapy or on any medication? Has anything been helping and/or hurting your situation?

[daley]

I’ve been don’t for 2 years, quit this year and I’m focusing on building up my aptitude for screen play writing and managing my music because out here threes a large demand for Dj's and I'm one of the handful out here and I'm also trying to save up money to start taking online classes for college/highschool and get a head start so I’m not completely hopeless later on, but it's just tough and I have gone through a lot and I know more will come my way, but I just got to hang in there.

[mablisaki]

Well I don't really believe in therapy or any sort of medication. I will not and refuse to take any sort of drug. A doctor's only responsibility is a legal responsibility and I won't be apart of that. I think what hurts me the most is my mom drinking. Her drinking really has a huge negative impact and I tell her, sometimes I've begged her to stop. I think her parents tried to help, I’m not sure. Sometimes she even says she'll stop , but that doesn’t do much when she's still drinking =/ , but there are things that keep me stable for the most pat which is my writing, listening to music (sometimes music makes me sad, but it's better then not listening to it at all) and I'm sure there’s other things that help me cope with depression.