My Relatives And My Depression

[pope]

Hi all

I've just been on the phone with my relatives today, they're all wondering when I am going to go down to them and visit. The thing is, I would rather avoid this type of visit, not because I have anything against them, but because my relatives do not know about my depression. They treat my panic as a little problem that I haven’t overcome yet and they have no idea about my depression. I will have to go see them over the summer holidays for at least two weeks and I am wondering how I am going to cope with that.

They are all very talkative and friendly, which I can say I am too, but I am not the same as I used to be.
They all do very well at their jobs and in family life, of which I have nothing of what they have and therefore there is nothing to talk about between us.
All we discuss is how school is going and such, and then what?

How shall I manage two weeks of pretending to be nice and friendly when I cant really be touched by their happiness, when I just don’t see life the way they do?

[robin]

Oh, Even! I'm sorry you couldn't just enjoy your conversation with relatives today without it sparking all this stress for you. I finally "came out of the closet" with my relatives last month regarding my depression, but for me it was pretty easy because I knew that while my family might not understand, they would accept it and want to help any way they could. I must say it's been a relief to not try to hide it from them, or the fact that I'm on ADs. I think what's hardest for people is just not understanding what depression is, how it affects us, and that it's not just a "bad mood" that will go away if we buck up and make it. There's some good info on this site that explains facts about depression, and maybe having some printouts of those to take with you might help IF you decide to tell people.

You have plenty of time to work out some strategies for dealing with your summer visit, Evin, so I hope you won't stress about this too much (although I know that's a lot easier to SAY than it is to DO). We all care about you and want you to be happy today for Christmas, and every day, Evin. You are always so good about getting around DF and spreading good, caring advice, individually thought out for everyone. I know you make a huge difference in many peoples' lives with your efforts. Be kind to yourself today, and know that the summer situation will resolve itself in time, and you will be fine no matter how it goes. Hugs to you!!!

[potor]

Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful response, it was really so kind of you to say!
I haven’t told anyone in my family because they already knew about my panic, which was a secret that everyone knows about, basically the stuff that you don’t talk about but of which everyone is aware. When it was found out that I was on meds for my panic (which I am not on anymore) the whole family started talking about the fact that I shouldn’t be taking pills and so on and then every time they saw pics of me they would say Oh you look so fat and so on (I hope no one is going to be triggered by this) and this was really hurtful, because I did gain weight on those pills, but I also needed them at the time.

I basically just feel like Vie not lived up to the standards of what I should do and who I should be in their eyes and I don’t think they will ever understand.
The main reason why I am depressed is a long story and they don’t know about that either, so they often ask me about that stuff, although they don’t know that they spark sadness in me whenever that topic is being discussed, which is quite often with my relatives.

I just feel like I should perform and be happy and joy when I’m around them and I don’t really feel it anymore. I used to be good at hiding stuff, but now I don’t think I am anymore. Vie got an anger management issue at times and THAT if anything is hard to hide.