My four year old son

[aeunjoo]

Hi l new to the site, and suffer from depression. My son is 4 years old, and when lm in my funk l worry about him, will he notice, am l paying enough attention to him etc, Is there any advice, or how do you deal with it when you have small kids

[betly]

A four year old is a hand full! I really miss that age (mine is 9)

Kids are perceptive and I am sure your son can sense when you feel down, but they are understanding and forgiving also. Your child is going to love you and think the world of you no matter what. They important thing, I think, is to make sure they never think you are sad/quiet/out of it because of something they did.

You just got to make sure they know you love them, right?!!

[chaekyu]

Hello,

I know how you feel as I have 2 young children as well. I worry about them all of the time and how my depression will affect them. I recently read that children whose mothers (I would think fathers too?) who are treated for their depression have higher percentage rate (over 80%, I think, sorry if it's not exact) of not suffering from depression later in life than those children whose mothers' are not. I'm sorry I forget the source (it may be one of my books). My understanding is the treatment doesn't have to necessarily mean medication but definitely talking to a therapist or both.
I also agree that they are perceptive and if we say "oh no, mommy's not sad" (which I pulled in the past) or "mommy's just fine" that they know we are not being truthful and end up confused. It's better that we are honest w/them and do tell them that sometimes we are not feeling so well and that it isn't their fault nor has anything to do w/them and we love them so much. Its better that they see the reality of our struggle, how we get better, maybe feel down again, but still get through it. It teaches them a valuable lesson, I think. Don't beat yourself up. Even if you are lying on the couch, you can ask your child to bring his/her books and read. Then s/he can bring his/her toys and play while you are lying there. If you feel up to it, you can still lay there and just play for a few minutes here and there w/your child there. I don't know to what extent your depression or funk gets you into but that's where I had been (on the couch). Lots and lots of hugs and cuddles of course. If you have family members or close friends or a partner who can also be there for the child, that is ideal for your child and YOU too (as you are trying to feel better for you). Once you feel better, you will be the mom you want to be. There are going to be many days when you are stuck in the funk and don't even want to play or read to your child and that is okay too. My children are young (7 & 5) and my severe depression & anxiety hit about 2 years ago. My daughter was already in school but it's still painful for me to remember how I basically just wanted to sleep. I was failing my son so much. I would just have him watch TV. Then, he'd play but I was in such a struggle and he suffered for it. I think both of my children did but my son moreso. Finally, I got help (therapy and medication) and put him in preschool part-time. My children still saw me depressed and were w/me when they weren't in school but we've gotten through it. There are still those struggling days. But in the end, I think our children will be stronger for it.

[aeunjoo]

Hi, thanks for the encouragement. I am on meds, they are finally starting to kick in. It is so hard though,
l feel bad enough with the depression, but so guilty when l am not the same Mom to him.
I don’t think he really noticed too much, as this one was milder depression than the past. I worry of course
about future episodes, my depression and anxiety runs in my family, and l seem to get it every 2 yrs or so.
I am thinking of getting a little more help for this than just meds, like counseling or a psyc doctor.
The low periods can get pretty bad, thanks for the advice, makes me feel better knowing there are
more mothers out there, that go through this also.