Don’t know how to move forward

gill · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 9

Hey, I am new to this site and I have PD and agoraphobia. I am 16 months into this disorder and am not taking any meds except the very occasional Valium.

I am able to go to my local shopping center and maybe 10 minutes further away from there. Progress is very slow and I am becoming disheartened. Might I also add that I do suffer with depression form time to time?

My only support; the person who took care of me at my absolute worst has recently left this country to go back to his place of birth. I am so devastated and initially felt completely abandoned. We have had our problems and I guess it eventually got to him; first he moved out, then months later decided to go home.

We speak occasionally and I am almost 90% certain this is the man for me. However, in order for us to have a chance at this relationship we need to be in the same country!!!! I know he loves me and I love him and he wants me to come visit him.

?????????????????????????? right now I cannot even take a train ride so how the hell am I going to be able to not only go to the airport, get on a plane and stay on it for 9 hours and be in a different environment to the one I feel safe (ish) in ?????????????

I love him and I cannot envisage a life without him, we were together for 2 years before he left, and I am solo miserable. Not because I have lost my crutch as I have pretty much resigned myself to doing this on my own, but I want a life with my man.

Any tips or suggestions will be more than welcomed (((((Hugs))))

chaekyu · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 34

You admitted that progress is slow but it IS being made, right? You must keep trying and perhaps at a point in the near future you will feel like going to see this man. For starters you could start exploring travel arrangements to the country where he currently resides. I mean, you do not HAVE TO take the journey but you can investigate how you would get there.

On another note, you implied that he is your ‘crutch’, which is not entirely a good thing. His leaving could be good in a way because it might lead to a wonderful future. You now need burning desire to achieve your goals. Indeed, your goals are clear and you must work toward them. Just don't rush yourself.

gill · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 9

Thank you for your kind advice. I think you are right in a way. I DID rely on him more than I have ever done in my life, (I was raised to be self sufficient). It was a great blow when he left...also to my ego. But I am in therapy and that is something I have been exploring.

I know the work I have ahead of me and I am prepared to put in the hard slog and suffer the occasional setback. The alternative is being stuck indoors forever and that thought alone is motivation enough. Small steps... but I will get there.

As for the traveling........lordee the idea fills me with anxiety !!!!! I have been doing a lot of visualization and I KNOW that the real test will be taking the trip. I am scared scared of the prospect and will have to take this one to therapy.

I just cant commit myself to any firm plans yet...at the moment it is a very fanciful idea...one which I hope to turn into a reality at some point.