Read This

[moon]

I went for a sinus cat scan. On leaving I was told by the doctor I have 3 brain tumors.
I thought.OH MY GOD. Im 25, how can this be happening to me.
I went home and deliberated how I should explain this to my mom and dad, my friends, my family.
I called my mom, she came home at once.
I called my dad, a radiologist by trade, he had already heard from my examining doctor and was on his way.
I told my brother who was home, he was torn up inside, I could see it behind his veil of calm.

My mom and dad come home; my father has a grave expression on his face.
He examines the CT printouts, which I had requested at the clinic.
He grudgingly examined the contents of my head, all the time looking like he had found himself in a bad dream.
I waited for his prognosis, which was in fact vague, as I needed an MRI to be more certain.
But it looked pretty grave, 3 tumors in my brain.

I was teary eyed, yet resolute.
Resolute that I should find meaning now, meaning then.
Meaning at last, because my chance to find meaning in life may have soon been limited to a year, maybe months,
I was not sure, but just in case.

I spoke to my brother, younger than I.
I said that we all die, and that life is for living, not just barely, but to its fullest.
That if I should die, I should not be mourned, because living in mourning and sorrow, is not what we are here for.
I have missed and mourned all those I have lost, everyday, and it saddened me at that moment to realize that.
Fatalistic yes perhaps.
But forgive me for feeling that way; it was the emotions that filtered though to me from my doctor and father that convinced me I was in a bit of a situation.

It took around 12 hours between the CAT scan and the MRI, which I had in the morning.
I WAS RELIEVED TO HEAR THAT I DONT HAVE BRAIN TUMORS, BUT SOMETHING ELSE WHICH POSES A SMALL RISK.
Blood vessel clusters to be precise.
Please don’t tell me anything about them, I am seeing a neurologist soon, and believe the net to be an awful place to get information of this nature. I will find out in due course.

But the important thing is this.
That is anybody’s or mine time on this beautiful planet 100 years or 26.
Those minutes, hours, days and months should be spent in enjoyment.
With people you love, doing things that fulfill you, or trying new things that might for future reference.
If you are anxious, its time to relax. If you feel isolated, its time to make friends.
Let the world know what you want out of life.
That is how you generate wealth in friends, currency, peace, and anything else.

I’ve been a hermit for 5 years.
I decided that night while waiting for the morning tests that, if I was to die soon, I would make certain to spend the rest of my days in the company of others.
That resolution made me happy.
I was ready for the eventuality.
It never happened.
I would have found happiness either way to be honest with you.
The only difference now is that I have that much more time here on earth to have fun and enjoy myself.
That much more time to really go after what it is I wish for in my life.
Its relative I feel.
Time that is.

I have been depressed for 12 years out of 25. Seriously depressed.
Suicidal, negative, upset, angry, alone.... very alone
Just to emphasize, so terribly alone.

Now that I realize what it felt like to nearly not have all the fruits of life that I possess,
I want life, I want to savoir it and enjoy it, and I want to make every second count.
There is no time to waste; you never know when it might be up.
I guess that’s impetus for me to get off my *** and build myself the dream life I envisage.

I wish that other people could see through my eyes and feel what I’m feeling.
I doubt that my letter here will do much justice to the feeling, although I tried.
I hope that my new outlook on life persists and that I always remember the lessons I have learned through this rocky patch.

God bless you all(yes, I think he exists, I had to challenge my atheist outlook:))
Think about how you can change your outcomes
And have a good xmas or eden, hope you had a good hanukah.
happy new year, and all the best.

[chaekyu]

I give you a lot of credit for making the most out of a bad situation. I think we all can learn a little from it. I wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you. Please take care and have a happy and safe holiday.

[hahninsik]

Hi , what a great holiday gift you have given all of us here at DF. We will all be holding you close in our thoughts and praying for a good outcome for you. Bless you for sharing with us and giant hugs to you,