Feeling A Little Bit Better - But Not Much

[yorn]

I posted this on a different webboard, but there seems to be more people here.
Well here it goes.
I feel right now everything is in a downward spiral and I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I should give a little situational feedback as far as what started me down this road.
About a 2 and a half years ago, I lost my well paying and enjoyable position, a mid-level manager position, which was salary but I was making 40k year. It was a highly technical job and I was able to do it very well, to the point I was recognized by directors and managing directors for my performance and received bonuses and gifts.
You see my position was made up of 3 primary duties; training of staff, system technician, and quality control person (basically ensuring that people were doing the job they were trained to do and following up on projects they were assigned.)
As I said, very high-level management in the company recognized me, but my immediate supervisor thought something different. He would constantly insult skills, my intelligence, and me and what college education I had. Please note that I was a college grad, he was college dropout at the time and was a friend of the boss, go figure how he was able to keep his job. Ugh, anyway.

We had received a new computer system with very specific program installed on it and 2 months after we went live with the computer system, the company who manufactured that product wanted us to attend an advanced training course, at the cost of 3k. I was asked my professional opinion about it and I said it was, for the most part, a waste of time and money. I was overruled.
Then the preparation of the trip included the purchase of two plane tickets, one for me and one for the boss mentioned above. I asked for the accommodation to drive, namely because I am terrified of passenger planes and travel by one. Military aircraft I'm ok with show me a picture of a 747 and I turn away. Try to force me on to an airliner and all heck breaks loose.
I repeatedly asked and finally forced to beg to be allowed to drive, the only answer I heard back was "no. The tickets had already been paid for." I told them I would repay the cost of the ticket and I even offered to drive my personal vehicle that too was shot down by superiors.
The day of the trip, I arrive at the airport and I was so, so nervous. I couldn't think clearly, and all I thought was if I went on that plane, I wouldn't be coming home. The boarding announcements began, and my boss was getting frustrated with me and finally he got on board, I never made it. I was shaking, crying, ugh I was a mess. I barely made it to the restroom to throw-up whatever I ate.
A week goes by and my boss gets back into town and the first or second day back he forced me to resign, saying if I didn't I would be fired.
Everything has been downhill since then. I now work a job that pays almost 1/2 less than what I was making, my marriage has gone on to rocky times, and I even think my wife is going to leave me. I have been diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression and I have been placed on meds.... it doesn't seem to help. The only thing that seems to help is my two kitties. I sometimes cry and the kitties come to my aid.
My wife and I have been seeing a therapist, whom is a marriage canceller (sp?) and earlier this week (and 3 days after my birthday) my wife finally admitted saying that she is no longer attracted to me and she thinks my situation is "bringing her down". Last month she traveled out of state, where she saw an old friend...well and old boyfriend to be exact. She finally came clean and said that she had slept with him while she was there (as if I couldn't already tell - cold shoulder, no affection - not even a hug).
Additionally I have been in a legal battle with my employer, I can't go into more details due to legal reasons, but it isn't going to well - in fact I am in a rush to find a new job, and I might have to take different job that I may not like, but have no choice because beggars can't be choosers.
I haven't been sleeping very well, I have a little hope left that someone some company, somewhere will get me out of this abyss, but I can say it's pretty dark right now. I even texted my wife when I was trying to sleep (she was in the next room) that I wasn't feeling very well. She came in and for lack of a better description, I just asked her to find my favorite knife (SOG Seal Pup - designed for the Navy SEALS) and hide it from me. She did and I don't know where it is, nor do I want to find it.
Can I ask one thing of the ladies - why have the last two women in my life felt it was necessary to sleep with other guys, where is the loyalty, compassion, or at least respect to me?
Thanks for listening.

[joung]

I care, I only have a few minutes because I'm headed out the door to an appointment, but I wanted to stop by and say that I hear what you're saying, and I'm so sorry you have to go through these hard times. I've been married twice and both times my husbands cheated on me. For a variety of reasons, I'm sure--shortcomings in them and in myself. I don't think it was ever done to intentionally inflict pain on me, though. It sounds like you are a very competent person whose life has been derailed by depression and anxiety--something so many people on can relate to. I'm sure you will be hearing from many of them. The good news is, this is a treatable disease and there are ways--medication, therapy--to make it better and become functional and successful once again. I do hope things get better for you soon and that you contact your family doctor ASAP to talk about getting some medication to help you through this period of your life, and a referral for individual counseling. I'm sorry, I have to run now but please know that you are cared about and you will not always feel the way you are feeling now. Hugs to you!

[betly]

Welcome here and I wanted to say I am deeply sorry on your problems that are really too bad all this thing happened to you!
I just also wanted to say I care, so now you know, there are people out there who care
I think the main problem in today’s society with people is that many of the people today, I’m not saying everyone mind you, do not have a high regard of marriage or partnership. I could never cheat on my husband, no matter how tired of him I would get, and trust me, we have had some pretty darned big fights over the years we have been together (five years) and we have grown tired of each other at times and thought aaaaaargh, but I would never cheat on him same he would never do that to me. I think the reason why your wife did this to you is that she has lost respect for you and I don’t know why she did that.
I’m giving here a theory why she maybe had lost respect for you, just my view so please don’t think this is the real answer or that I’m some sort of expert at this! I think maybe she had lost respect for you because you no longer have this job that you used to have. I’m guessing with the job came a certain life style, which she may have been used to from her own life before you met or that she got used to while you were living together, and maybe she was valuing this more than she was yourself or your marriage. I am guessing if this is true, then she lost respect for you when you couldn’t keep up with your side of the deal, the money and the stuff.
The other thing I’m thinking is she could have fallen for the "the grass is greener on the other side"-trick, which is where people start to think that their partner/friend/you name it, isn’t as good as other people's, so they start looking at new people trying to find something that they already have, a husband or wife, or a good friend and trustworthy friend and so on. This can come in many different ways, which is sad, but true.
I want you to know not all women in the world are this way though and there are lots of women out there that would never cheat or never hurt a guy like that.