Depression And Social Phobia

[gill]

I am not sure what is going on with me...I don't think I am actually social phobic where I am afraid to get embarrassed in a public place or at a party.
For me it is more the not wanting to go, wanting to avoid all socializing because I have low self-esteem and will be of no value to the party. I am somewhat okay if I know I can leave after an hour, but most parties last all night and then I get nervous and can only think of the hours still to come before I disappear without suspicion.
I have never been a real party person, I used to go out in my teens because that is what you do, right? But nowadays I prefer to go to a nice quiet cafe for a drink or visit a friend at home and have some tea, watch a movie.
But lately I don't even want to do that and I am pushing all my friends away...........I just do not want to go out at all. I have a new years party from work this Thursday and I know I am not going to go, I do not want to worry all night trying to fit in and pretend to be happy and have nothing to say. For new years I am invited to my best friends house, they will have a party across the street and I know all the other people and they will all have fun and I won't. I am not able to relax and let myself enjoy the party...I think that is caused by my low self-esteem, I just stand there and mingle and listen, but I have really no business there so I really wish I didn't have to go.
And this happens every time I force myself to go out. Still going to the movies is the easiest, because I don't have to talk, just watch the movie and go home afterwards.
At work I seem to be doing a bit better but only because I have to, now that I am so depressed I tend to avoid actual conversations with my patients or co workers and just kind of be there.
I'd rather be home by myself or in bed and avoid the world............and then I feel lonely..........and get all upset because that is my own fault!
I have a therapist and I am on prozac. I also try to avoid dinner parties because of my ED but still I avoid all other social events too even when I know there is no food involved.

What should I do?

[potor]

I frequently avoid social settings and I used to be a very social person. I miss the old me, but don't trust the myself now to be comfortable around many people.
I wish I knew the answer for what to do. Like everything else, some days are better than others. Do what you can each day and feel good about that. If it's going to a movie, and it's a good and entertaining movie, that's getting out and doing something rather than just waiting out time.
I have isolated my self lately as well. It's a hard time of year with many celebrations and family gatherings. Maybe just going slowly and not worrying too much about the future...we can't really control what happens, but we can be present and aware in our day to day lives.
Again, I wish I had some kind of answer. Be kind and gentle with yourself, and maybe soon it will seem better than it is today.

[aeunjoo]

I know exactly what you feel like, I’m the same way, I hate going to these parties and places like that, and it’s so not fun! I don’t mind the actual people (well, to an extent I do) but more the conversation that seems to be going there is always the same, its boring and always about the same topics and threes no real connection going on, at least this is my experience with the parties I’ve been to. I prefer to stay at home or go to friends house, or have them come over to my house, and do that stuff, its much easier on me to be honest. I am very talkative, but I hate to be social in some aspects, is that crazy or what! LOL!
I don’t have any great advice really, I’m so sorry, but I just wanted you to know that its true that sometimes Social Phobia develops from depression, and vice versa. Just to tell you, you’re not alone.

[mablisaki]

I wish I had the magic answer to help make all this go away for you. I feel like you took an excerpt from my diary and posted it here. It’s hard to find motivation to do things when you're so depressed. Sometimes having fun isn't even in the dictionary. I too can relate to the anxiety about social gatherings, and having to make fake conversations to give others piece of mind. I also push people away, because I’m too hurt to take on anyone elses problems. Sometimes if you push someone away, you protect yourself from getting hurt. This time of year is difficult for many people, because of the holidays and social gatherings. Although, I can also understand why your co-workers and friends want to celebrate the New Year with you. You are a wonderfully nice and caring person, and have helped so many of us thru hard times in our lives. Please pm me if you want to talk. You don’t have to go thru this alone.