Hello I Would Like To Talk To Someone New

[potor]

I will try to keep this semi brief. I'll probably leave out some details. Its 230 am. I joined this website an hour or so ago in a fit of depression, and in order to talk about some things with random people I have never met who won't judge me and make decisions about me or give me weird looks in the future for telling them those things.
I'm a freshman in college. Male. These emotions are moving and distracting me. kind of like that one though, never seen that before. i.e. FTL. ANYWAY here's my story. I'm a weird dude. I've had 2 step dads and 1 stepmother. None of them have been necessarily abusing or bad people, they all just kind of seem to **** things up for me. For example my 2nd step dad pulled me out of a school I loved, moved our family to a place out in the country away from friends, eventually caused me to move to my dads house. Ahh you are probably all reading this like this dude has no serious problem. I just reread that and even I think that. Oh well. I have never really fit in anywhere. I have never found another person that is like me. I listen to some way out there music, love every second of it, and have yet to find anyone (non internet-forum)nas passionate about it as I am. I have never understood sports. I am completely lost. I even played football for 2 years in high school. None of my parents ever liked sports either. It doesn't seem to bother them though. I hate it that I am completely unable to have any sort of conversation concerning sports. I hate it that I am unable to understand that which some of the dumbest members of society have figured out, seemingly with no effort at all. I am writing this little narrative from the bedroom in the 1 bedroom apartment which I currently reside in with my father. He is 52, terribly overweight, diabetic, separated from his wife, sleeps on a futon in the living room, has no friends and never does anything other than go to work and have an occasional dinner with the wife, tends to make a fool of himself in public, and loves me to death. He tries to do everything right by me, which I am grateful for, but he isn't good at many things and that tends to rub off on his parenting. I'm probably too harsh a critic. You'd have to meet him to understand him. You know how I said I’ve never found another person like myself? Never found another person like my dad either. Or my mom for that matter. None of us seem to fit into any kind of stereotype at all. Well my dad kind of does...he's kind of a Peter Griffin only less funny. A lot less funny. He tries to be funny and thinks he is hilarious but isn’t. Do I sound like a 14 year old angry at his parents? I sure hope not. When i was 14 I hated my mom for somewhat justified reasons. Now I have come to realize that she was in an awkward position and I can't really blame her for choices she made. We get along great now. I get along great with my dad too, just have a strong built up dislike for who he is.
Then there are MY issues. I have social problems. I have made no new friends since college started. I have been invited to zero parties. I think of myself as a pretty cool dude, and once I HAVE friends everything am fine and we can have a good time, I just absolutely suck at meeting new people. High school was easier because you spend every day with the same people and you're all locked in that building together. I only have college classes on Tuesday and Thursday and no one talks in any of those classes. I commute to campus too. I guess the reason why I came to this board is because it was New Years Eve and I received zero calls the entire evening. In high school I hung out with a stoner crowd a lot...then at the beginning of this summer I had an incident where I developed de-realization disorder (look it up...it would take awhile to describe...stuff online doesn't even do that good a job describing what its like....all I can say is looked weird), for about 6-7 months. I stopped smoking and hanging out with them, and pretty much have no friends now. I didn't miss smoking at all at first and was scared for my mental health, but now that things are better I kind of want to start smoking again. Not really because I want to get high, mainly because I just remember being happier then. I'm worried it would spark the de-realization though and I would have to go through all that again.
The weird thing is the de-realization isn’t even what made me the most depressed. Sure that sucked and I was frightened out of my mind for much of the day, but I feel more depressed now for some reason. I started smoking tobacco again (gas station cigars....never did understand why everyone likes cigarettes so much either) and that doesn’t really do much for me, just something to do mainly, feels semi-decent for a couple minutes.
I have really bad teeth. I'm missing a tooth on the left and I have a mini tooth on the right, my front two have a gap between them and they are all odd shapes. Well mainly just the front row of top teeth, the ones you see. My bottom teeth are beautiful. This is a recurring theme for me. It seems like the only part of me that people can see is more often than not the ugly one. I also have a wicked monobrow that i do my best to shave accordingly but it still looks odd; i have a large mole at the beginning of my left eyebrow and a scar in-between from a bike wreck when i was 13. my glasses gouged the skin and left a scar. I also have a large surgical scar on my arm from where a metal bar was inserted in it from breaking my arm in that wreck. Other than that I would say I'm a pretty decent looking dude. I had braces and a retainer with fake teeth in it but the retainer looked weird and had a coat of clear plastic over all my teeth. it helped though. I recently lost it and my family opted to actually do a permanent fix (Maryland Bridge with false teeth) rather than get another retainer. we weren’t able to get an appt till January 30th and during the past couple months my teeth have gradually shifted out of place. I really don't get how I am the only person I know with teeth that look anything like this at all. I don't know anyone else my age with a similar situation. It makes talking to girls d*** near impossible. I have a high gumline too, er, whatever the thing is where your front teeth are very prominent and your lips don’t really cover them when you talk. I'm pretty self-conscious and this makes socializing miserable. Even when I do get the bridge it'll still look a bit off.
Wow it’s almost 3:30 AM and I’ve been writing this for almost an hour now. So much for being brief. I'm just goanna go ahead and end it there. There are tons more if any of you would like me to indulge into any other details of my illustrious times spent here on this absolutely gorgeous planet we have been blessed with. I can't wait to truly experience it for myself.

[woong]

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story, it is a good thing to talk about your feeling.
I understand that not growing up in one place can make it hard to make friends for life and socialize with a group you have known for years.
It is tough especially when depressed and waiting on some dental work (which I am glad you are able to get and it will make you feel better and boost your confidence) to make new friends/ meet new people.
I would never encourage anyone to smoke or start smoking again; it is just plain bad for your health and really would not help you in the end.
I am glad your dad loves you and is there for you, even though he is not the perfect dad ( who is??) but I feel like he cares about you a great deal and is handling the situation the best way he can possibly do with the 'tools' he was given. I don't know if that makes sense, but I guess I am trying to say that you are lucky your dad, with his flaws, is there for you always!
Just wondering if you are in therapy and /or using meds? Would you consider talking to your college counselor about your feelings if you are not already talking to someone?
Good luck with everything and keep us posted,