Still Frustrated, Upset Over College And Family

[chaekyu]

I don’t want to type too much, but the winter semester is coming up and it seems like I will still be at community college for this term. Things just didn’t work out and Im going to be stuck here living at home with nobody around to spend time with and no friends.
I feel my parents don’t even care anymore, they stay out of the way and don’t bother, and cant see that Im struggling and trying so hard to be happy but they don’t care. Everyone is doing things and having fun, Im only 20, I feel like time, all the days, months, and years that go by and I just want to change the way things are. I don’t like the way my life is going but I don’t know how to change it or what I exactly want to be happy.
I know for sure I want to get away from my family and meet someone or some friends who I can enjoy life together with, but Im so frustrated over things that I cant seem to do anything but stay stuck in this cycle of depression, anger, and loneliness. Today is New Years Eve and again I had no one to spend it with so I drove to this lake and sat by myself and just stared at the water and the sky for close to an hour. Things are getting really bad; I don’t know what to do.
Just wanted to type some of this out so maybe I feel better but I don’t know. If you’ve read this far, thank you very much, even if you don’t post anything.

[hahninsik]

Maybe if you change your perception to this situation as a time limited thing, you'll be able to deal with it better. Most of us can endure things that we feel are negative if we know it's only for so long.....
Do you attempt to socialize with anyone at school. At least it would be good practice to try to introduce yourself to other people. I know it's difficult to pose as social when it's something that you find difficult to do, but if you want to make friends, just ask someone who seems interesting out for coffee. Even saying "Hello" to other people is a start.
If you can't look into another person's eyes, just look at the area between their eyebrows. They won't be able to tell the difference!

[joung]

I am sorry that I don't come bearing words of wisdom or advice. However, I can empathize with your situation. I am 22 and live with my parents. It is my fifth year at community college because of light course loads and countless withdrawals. I also don't have any friends due to social anxiety. I went to bed on New Year's eve at 10 pm because I had nothing better to do. Certainly, heeding Jkm's advice to try to reach out to others would help some. However, I find that I can reach out to people but I get cold feet and don't follow through. That mostly has to do with disclosure of my illness.

Matt1, I was wondering if the idea of people finding out about your mental illness eventually makes you anxious about even talking to people. One good thing to remember is that social anxiety is not indicative of an inability to socialize with others and subsequently a life sentence of loneliness. I know you have the skills, because you mention this as being a problem that has worsened as you aged. You might want to remind yourself that you haven't always been so anxious about meeting others. I would follow Jkm's advice and put yourself out there a bit so you can see that people enjoy your company.