Highly Sensitive

[woong]

I'm writing this for two reasons, the first being as a response to the book I've been reading, "The Highly Sensitive Person," and secondly, because I wanted to air some thoughts I've been having because of what I've learned in the book. The book jumped out at me after only reading the back description; the book describes me, and how I feel and have felt, and the things I have experienced, and still do experience. I am not alone.

However, several things were brought to light in the book that do not surprise me; I've surmised them myself, but it is not exactly good news that they have been confirmed (based on surveys, studies, and experience). A few of the paraphrased facts about "highly sensitive people" are:

- sensitive people reach "over arousal" much sooner than "non-sensitive people", this explains uncomfortably in large crowds, noisy situations, and social gatherings
- highly sensitive people make up about 20% of the population
- sensitive people are prone to low self esteem because they are not their culture's ideal.
- People and things are much more valued than ideas and emotions in our culture.
- Non-sensitive people tend to project their own fear of rejection onto you; that is, attributing to you something they do not want to admit themselves
- sensitive people notice that people are watching and judging; people usually do. However, non-sensitive people are often happily oblivious to it.
- 75% of the population are very outgoing
- our culture has a prejudiced against "shy" men
- "shyness" or "sensitivity" is often associated with insecurity, low self esteem, and discontent by non-sensitive people
- sensitive people often do experience much more constant disapproval and negative reactions, due to other's misconceptions and misunderstanding

I am confronted with social struggles almost every day, and have been for all my life, that relate in one way or another to these facts. Emotional issues with acquaintances or friends, feeling overwhelmed by various sensual stimulation, having constant problems growing close to people. All of these things are true.

I'm not alone in my alien feelings to our society, I know now. There are millions of others out there like me; unfortunately, many battle with depression as well. It's so painful to see that it's not just some misunderstanding, a behavioral fluke; I do truly have fewer chances in the social world, because the social world is not made for the extremely sensitive like me. The genuine, deep, emotional, intense few are going to be much harder to find.

Anyway, I have been almost numbed by this. It feels good to finally know that there truly are others like me out there, but the fact is, that we are a minority, and are never really understood by most people. It is time to accept that the society I live in may not always be able to understand and value my "gifts" and strengths.

Please post any thoughts, feelings, comments, or disagreements here. I want to know everyone's ideas on this subject. I feel that I am finally accepting it as a part of me, and want to explore all aspects of it.

[aeunjoo]

I would say that I'm highly sensitive to situations as well. It's true that the majority of people are just oblivious to circumstances that would otherwise make other people's lives like ours intolerable. I wish I were as thick-skinned as some... But we have to deal with our weaknesses and that is the ultimate challenge.

[woong]

I bought that book too. I've not finished reading it yet. Somebody here, I think it was Art Chick, recommended it to me. I am very sensitive too and it has gotten much worse in the last few years. It has made my life unbearable at times. I am afraid to be around certain people because I know they will say something that will upset me. Either I will say something about it and make someone mad or I will hold it inside and feel awful for days. My husband says things like " you're so sensitive", but its nothing I can help. Heaven knows if I could, I would. I got this book about a year or two ago, at my therapist's recommendation. It was totally I. And it was nice to know there are others like me. I appreciate who I am more after reading the book. Just knowing this about myself helps me deal with situations better. Another book she wrote that you might like is: The Highly Sensitive Person In Love.

[joung]

Sounds like the perfect book for me to be reading
I’m very sensitive too, and I don't get too close to people. It’s good for me to keep the distance, so that I won't get hurt. But it does turn into a big problem, because I find myself isolating a whole lot, being alone.
People that know me, they don't think I’m sensitive, and I know why, it's because I put up a big front, acting as if, etc.
I’m sure I’m the way I am, because of my past history, being that I got hurt real bad when I was a child.
Hard to let go of the sadness to this day.
There is a plus to me being sensitive, and that is it makes me very smart. Many do tell me how smart I am, and how together I am. Well, like I’ve mentioned on some of my thread, that I do underestimate myself in a very big way.
I have no choice, but to walk around with a big front, that's my protective layer. If not I’ll be walking around like a zombie.
I don't like being sensitive, but like you've mentioned it's about accepting it, and making the best of it.