Wanting to go insane

woong · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 32

I didn't really know where to put this topic so...
I just want some feed back or comments or whatever...
Every once in a while in the past and almost every day for the past few weeks i have been dreaming of going insane (when I say dreaming I mean imagining it like when you imagine getting rich).
These dreams usually involve me going crazy; me hallucinating and imagining things; me talking to myself and having "not real" friends.
I don’t know exactly why I just want to go insane and become crazy, I guess I think it would be fun, exciting, peaceful, unworryful, and better the "normal" life.
A little bit ago I just sat listening to music wishing i would go crazy.
Anyway I don’t really want to rant or anything so ill help this post here...

aeunjoo · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 37

Sometimes I have a similar feeling, but more in a kind of "life would be much easier if...." kind of way - so that someone else would take control of my life and I wouldn't have to do all the decision making and stuff.
Then it scares me cos what I'm trying to do is keep my life as normal as possible and I am scared that at some point someone might make decisions for me and tell me that I'm incapable of doing it myself.

potor · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 49

It's strange.... I understand what you mean. I've been depressed (dysthymia.... or "depression lite") most of my life, to one degree or another. However, I have managed to do a few things like get through grad school, get married (and divorced, of course) raise my son (he's 20, with God knows what kinds of craziness), hold down a job, most of the time.
And I have so often wished I would just go insane and get it over with. I would like to be able to say that I feel courageous or victorious over my depression, but I just feel tired. I mean, try as I might, I usually feel like I've done a sub-par job at everything, and I've managed to cheat my employers, my ex-husband, my son, and my friends.
I'd like to just give in to it.... find a nice, quiet insane asylum where I could watch TV wrapped up in a blanket and rock back and forth. And maybe make baskets, or belts.
Unfortunately, I am not quite there yet. And close only counts in horseshoes.
My insides do not match my outside.

joung · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 46

Going insane is not as glamorous as it seems. I’m young but I have had a bad experience going insane. But I can understand where you’re coming from. In my opinion, it seems like you think that going insane will make everything go away. Like an eruption of a volcano, but it only causes more problems for yourself, and your loved ones. The best thing to do is to try release the build up your feeling.
Mental hospital’s are not pleasant. I have only been admitted once, and I hope it was my last. Your around strange people, you can’t do anything on your own, and your treated like you don’t have a mind of your own. And your sheltered from the rest of the world. Hopefully this need can be cured before it actually happens.
And I welcome you to ask any questions about my experience if you’re curious.